Category: series 4

“If you are clinically insane – by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion…”

“If you are clinically insane – by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion – here’s your car.”

“I’m not only in touch with my feminine side, I’m in touch with my gay side as well.”

“I’m not only in touch with my feminine side, I’m in touch with my gay side as well.”

“Back to this ‘head coming off’ business…” “Yeah.” “Presumably what happened was the car, what? Dug…”

“Back to this ‘head coming off’ business…”
“Yeah.”
“Presumably what happened was the car, what? Dug in, flipped, rolled?”
“Several times.”
“…Head came off.”
“Yeah.”
“Couldn’t the same thing happen to us?”
“Ooh, I shouldn’t think so.”
“…Right.”

“You know sometimes, when a thought pops into your head? You should kinda leave it there, and not put…”

“You know sometimes, when a thought pops into your head? You should kinda leave it there, and not put it out in the world.”
“Did I just say that all out loud, then?”
“Oh, yes mate, sorry, you did.”
“God another thought’s just popped into my head, ‘bout how like the cat in Shrek 2 you look like.”

“Well… it’s been good. I met Jodie Kidd. And Stephen Fry.”

“Well… it’s been good. I met Jodie Kidd. And Stephen Fry.”

“Do you swerve to avoid rabbits?” “Never. Do you?” “No.” “Foxes?” “No!” “No?” “…Children?” “I do, I…”

“Do you swerve to avoid rabbits?”
“Never. Do you?”
“No.”
“Foxes?”
“No!”
“No?”
“…Children?”
“I do, I do… Children, yeah. I have swerved to avoid children.”
“You see, you see, you’re too soft for this game.”

“That’s the worst stereo I’ve ever heard in my life. But it is a stereo. And Hammond…”

“That’s the worst stereo I’ve ever heard in my life. But it is a stereo. And Hammond doesn’t have one.”

“There is, coming up ahead, an enormous cloud of smoke, which I can only assume is Jeremy.”

“There is, coming up ahead, an enormous cloud of smoke, which I can only assume is Jeremy.”

“That was a good feeling. Volvo kills caravan!” “You know? That’s the nineteenth caravan…”

“That was a good feeling. Volvo kills caravan!”
“You know? That’s the nineteenth caravan we’ve destroyed on this programme in 12 months.”

“Get out of the way, you Polish lorry! Why are you cluttering up our roads with Latvian milk?!”

“Get out of the way, you Polish lorry! Why are you cluttering up our roads with Latvian milk?!”